So I had this idea that it would be funny to take a song, use Google to translate it to a different language and then translate it back to English and see what we’re left with. And I might still do that, but I got distracted (shocking, I know). I decided to start with Scandal’s blistering rock anthem “The Warrior” because, working from memory, I recalled the lyrics being odd enough that I thought they’d make for a fun experiment. Plus, 14-year-old me had a huge crush on Patty Smyth. She was adorable. But I digress.
In my research, I had to watch the video from 1984, and holy cow! What a incredible journey! I highly recommend you watch it.
In case you’re at work, or for some reason don’t want to experience three minutes and fifty-four seconds of 1980’s awesomeness*, let me walk you through it.
I was halfway through it (and quite confused) before it dawned on me that the video was about some post-apocalyptic Thunderdome-style fight. Well, “fight” is a bit strong. Our hero (I guess?), a poor-man’s Wolverine sans bitchin’ sideburns, must battle four, what appear to be, cargo net monsters who terrorize him by leaping around him in a circle until a court jester/bicycle messenger does two flips in his vicinity and decides he has had enough. Then for some reason he’s dancing with some boa-ensconced, LSD version of a ballerina, their 12-second dance somehow resulting in her death. After her untimely demise, Wolverine is jostled gently by two bright-blue scarf nymphs who walk past him slowly. Frightening stuff. He is then flummoxed by a trio of dumpster-dwelling, pasty-fleshed bat people who are ultimately ousted by a pair of blue-suited twine demons, as is usually the case. Wolverine dispatches with them via his menacing good looks (a problem I know all to well). At this point, the lovely and talented Ms. Smyth joins the fray having thus far been…narrating, I guess? The final battle ensues, and like all good battles, devolves quickly into dancing which leads to Wolverine conceding (you’re not gonna win a dance-battle against Patty Smyth, everyone knows that) and then contentedly standing back to watch Patty sing (I get you, Wolverine. I get you). Until the trust fall, of course. Wait….what?
In short, it’s delightful. And I’ll probably watch it several more times today.
*”Three minutes and fifty-four seconds of 1980’s awesomeness” is also how I still refer to losing my virginity. True story.
Sidenote: The video to Scandal’s “Goodbye To You” is also awesome, but only because it consists entirely of 4 minutes of the band completely encapsulating the 80’s in someone’s rec room. I guess the budget for “The Warrior” broke the bank, what with having to rent that warehouse and everything.