Psalms 2: Electric Boogaloo – The Complete, Unabridged Psalms of Reverend Buddy Bell

Psalm 151 – Guilty feet hath got no rhythm.

Psalm 152 – Every rose hath its thorns, just as every night hath its dawn.

Psalm 153 – Carryeth on, mine prodigal son.  There shalt be peace when thou art done.

Psalm 154 – Dust in the wind, all thou art, is dust in the wind.

Psalm155 – Mine anaconda wanteth none unless thou hast buns, hon.

Psalm 156 – When a problem cometh along, thou must whip it. When something goeth wrong, thou must whip it.

Psalm 157 – If there be a problem, I shalt solveth it, checketh out the hook whilst mine DJ revolveth it.

Psalm 158 – Oh, baby, thou, thou hast what I needeth, but thou sayeth he’s just a friend.

Psalm 159 – Waketh me up, before thou go-go, keepeth me not, hanging on like a yo-yo.

Psalm 160 – Thou hast to fight, for thine right, to party.

Psalm 161 – Thou must beatest it, no one wanteth to be defeated.  Showest how funky strong is thine fight. It matters not who’s wrong or right.

Psalm 162 – Verily, I sayeth unto thee, fat bottomed girls, thou makest the rocking world go round.

Psalm 163 – Thou must knowest when to hold ’em. Knowest when to fold ’em. Thou shalt knowest when to walk away, and knowest when to run.

Psalm 164 – Tis but a jump to the left. And then thou shalt step to the right. Hands on thine hips, thou shalt bringest thine knees in tight.

Psalm 165 – Searcheth for thine lost shaker of salt. Some shalt claimeth a woman be to blame, but thou knowest – tis nobody’s fault.

Psalm 166 – If thou covet pina coladas, and the rain, if thou refute yoga and possess half a brain, tis I thou doth seek, write to me and escape.

Psalm 167 – Never gonna giveth thou up, never gonna letteth thou down. Never gonna runneth around and deserteth thou.

Psalm 168 – Thou better shape up, alas, I needst a man. And mine heart is set up on thou. Thou better shape up, to mine heart I must be true.

Psalm 169 – Thou art nothin’ but a hound dog, cryin’ all the time. Thou hath ne’er caught a rabbit, and thou art no friend of mine.

Psalm 170 – Thou shalt rolleth down the street, smoketh endo, sippeth on gin and juice. With thy mind on thy money, and thy money on thy mind.

Psalm 171 – Thou shalt not stop believin’. Verily, I command thee, holdest on to the feelin’. Streetlights, people.

Psalm 172 – Our Lord on high, Rebekah, cast thine gaze upon her buttocks. Tis grand. She doth appear as if one of those rap guys’ girlfriends.

Psalm 173 – Thou shalt no be forgetful of mine number. Verily, love hath fortitude beyond that of a thunder.

Psalm 174 – Thou may dance if thou so desire, thou may abandon thy friends. For if thy friends danceth not, they shalt be no friends of mine.

Psalm 175 – Yon projectile hath pierced mine heart and thou art to blameth. Dearest maiden, thou hath bestowed upon love a bad name.

Psalm 176 – I hath been tryin’ babay, tryin’ to holdeth back this feelin’. And if thou feelest like I feelest, let’s lay together as if man and wife.

Psalm 177 – Verily, Mickey, thou art so fine, thou art so fine, thou blowest my mind. Alas, Mickey! Alas, Mickey!

Psalm 178 – If I stayest here with thou, girl, things shalt not remain the same. Lo, I’m as free as the dove, now, and this dove thou canst change.

Psalm 179 – Thou must cut loose, footloose. Kick of thine Sabbath shoes. I plead of thou, Louise, pullest me off of mine knees.

Psalm 180 – Shouldst there be something strange in thine neighborhood, who art thou gonna call? Disembodied apparition busters!

Psalm 181 – So, serving wench, bringeth forth a carafe, another round of wine. Maiden, why don’t we get drunk and lay together?

Psalm 182 – Alas, I hath been caught pilfering, once, when I was V…I enjoyest pilfering, tis just as simple as that.

Psalm 183 – And the name of the beast shalt be Kris Kross, and Kris Kross shalt maketh thee jump, jump.

Psalm 184 – Tis rainin’ men, Hallelujah. Tis rainin’ men, Amen. Thou shalt go out, thou shalt lettest thineself get absolutely soaking wet.

Psalm 185 – Lo, lo, lo, lo baby-pop! Cometh yonder, giveth unto me kiss. Thou best make it fast, or alas I shalt become pissed.

Psalm 186 – Money talks, but it doth not sing nor dance nor walk. If I can haveth thou here with me, I’d preferest to be, forever in blue jeans.

Psalm 187 – Once, I raneth unto thou. Now I shalt runneth from thou. This tainted love thou given unto me, I hath given thou all a boy could givest.

Psalm 188 – Shouldst I stay or shouldst I go now? If I go, there shalt be peril, and if I stay it shalt be two-fold.

Psalm 189 – Tonight, I shalt rejoice as if it were the year of our Lord, nineteen hundred and ninety-nine.

Psalm 190 – I hath mine hands up, they art playing mine hymn. I knowest I shalt be okay, forsooth, tis a party in the Promised Land.

Psalm 191 – Forsooth, if thou were indeed enamored of it, then thou shouldst have put a ring upon it.

Psalm 192 – In West Canaan, born and raised, in the temple was where I spenteh most of mine days, preachin’ out, maxin’, prostelyzin’ all cool…

Psalm 193 – Thou spinnest me right ’round, betrothed, right ’round like yon millstone, betrothed.

Psalm194 – Someday somebody shalt maketh thou wish to turn ’round and bid farewell. Art thou to let them holdest thou down and makest thou weep?

Psalm 195 – I’m sailing away, seteth thine sextant for the virgin sea. I shalt be liberated, free to faceth the life that’s ahead of me.

Psalm 196 – Thine kiss is upon mine scroll, of the best things in life. Thine kiss i can ne’er resist, when I blowest out yon candle.

Psalm 197 – Tis a parable for all the fellas, thou may attempt to do what yon maidens tell us, getteth shot down cause thou art over-desirous.

Psalm 198 – The Hitites doth speak, canst they just letteth me live? I needeth not permission, maketh mine own decisions, tis mine prerogative.

Psalm 199 – She’s a limestone dwelling. She’s dressed immodestly. The maiden’s stacked, and lo, tis a fact, she doth reserve nothing.

Psalm 200 – My perils doth be one shy of a century, but verily, a disrespectful maid of low moral standing be not one.


Psalm 172 – Dance Remix

I had intended at some point to do a thing where I showed what it would look like if my 9th graded English teacher graded Si Mixalot’s “I Like Big Butts” as if I had turned it in for a poetry project.  It’d be mostly just different ways of saying “This is INAPPROPRIATE!”  I never did that.

But now, I’d like to present you with “I Like Big Butts” if it were from the Bible.  Presented with the help of Daniel, from “Jessie’s Girl, The Aftermath” fame.  No, not fame.  Infamy?  No, that’s too much.  Well, whatever the opposite of fame is that’s not infamy.

Our Lord on High, Rebekah, cast thine gaze upon her buttocks. Tis grand. She doth appear as if one of those rap guys’ girlfriends.

 

None who walk the Earth understandeth those rap guys.  They speak upon her solely because of resemblance to an unvirtuous maiden.

 

 

 

Her buttocks art so grand.

I stand in awe of its size perfect symmetry

Tis presented for all mankind to witness

Tis not a desiderata.

Verily, she is so Egyptian

 

 

 

Yea and verily, I like posteriors as big as the Jordan, and I doth not lie. You other pharisees cannot deny.

 

Forsooth, upon the entrance of yon maid with an itty-bitty waist and who presenteth a round thing unto thine visage, thou become sprung.

 

 

 

I doth want to pull up tough. Hark, thou believeth that the butt is stuffed. Deep in yon jeans she’s wearing, I am desirous and cannot help but to cast my visage upon them.

 

 

 

Oh, baby I doth desire to lay with thou
And cast thou image
Mine companions tried to warneth me
But alas, that butt thou possess
Maketh me desirous for the pleasures of the flesh.

 

 

Hark, lay hands upon that smooth skin.
Thou desires to ride upon my oxcart?
Then, useth me. Yea, useth me.
Because thou art no mongrel disciple.

 

I hath lain in witness of their gyrations
And it hath rendered me impervious to the notion of romance
She’s sweat,wet, hath it goin like a turbo chariot

 

 

I grow weary of those scribes
That say flat butts are of divine importance.
Take the ordinary Egyptian and inquire thus, and verily he shall speak:
“The maiden most possess an abundance of back.”

 

 

So apostles(amen), apostles(amen),
Testify if thine betrothed hath the butt (hallelujah).
Well shakest it, shakest it, shakest it, shakest it, shakest thine most glorious posterior.
Maiden hath back.

 


I preferest them as the apple and grand

And whence I deliverest a sermon

I cannot avoid temptation

I am but a lowly beast

Alas, I present my sins

 

I desire to lay with thou

Not once, but two-fold

I speaketh not of Grecian statues

Granite be reserved for idols

I preferest them sturdy and heavily laden

 



So discovereth that heavily laden rear

The Prophet Mixalot is in peril

His pleas rise for of piece of that posterior




As I observe the drama unfolding upon the stage

Disavow these maidens parading as for sale

Thou mayest retain those maidens

I shalt keepeth mine more the Hitite



I speaketh now to the Egyptians

I doth desire to lay with thee

I shalt not peak poorly or strike thee



I shalt not lie, I wish to lay with thee

Until the sun reappears in the East

Maiden hath it in plentitude



A lot of Pharisees shalt care not for this platitude

For they desire no more than to lay with thee and then return to the field

Nay!  I shalt remain with thee, as I am strong of loin, and I wisheth lay my seed in thee

So maidens (amen), maidens (amen)

Doth thou desire to ride upon mine oxcart?

If thou dost, simply display thine grandeur.

And, Lo!

Even the Romans shalt exclaim

Maiden hath back

Verily, maiden

Upon reference to the female form

Ecclesiastes hath nought to do with mine decision

36-24-36?

Only if she’s 3 cubits tall.




Alas, your betrothed throws a fruit cart

Observing the ways of Mary of Magdalen

But Mary hath no oxen in your cart




Mine river asp waneth none unless thou possess buns, hun.

Thou may take great care of thine physique, but, if it please the Lord, do not loseth that butt.

Some Pharisees wisheth to harden themselves

And preach that thine butt is not valuable

Whence they discard it

I shalt be there with most haste to recover it.



Though the scribes may callest thou corpulent

Alas, I cannot abide by this

For thine belly is like that of an urchin

And thine remaining proportions enticeful

I am of a mind to lay with thou.



And now I address the waifs

Thine conceit is misplaced

Bestow upon me a disciple

Figs and grapes did miss her



A heretic did ponder to dismiss

And, lo, his maids were brought before me

The heretic did raise his hand to them

And I rescueth them from his bile



So, maidens, should thine hind quarters be bulbous

And thou desireth to lay with someone with great vigor



Search out the prophet Mixalot and lose thineself in the pleasures of the flesh

Maiden hath back

Maiden hath back

A dearth in her mid-section but she hath much back

Oh my god Becky, look at her butt
It’s so big.  She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends


Who understands those rap guys
They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute


I mean her butt
It’s just so big
I can’t believe it’s so round
It’s just out there
I mean, it’s gross
Look, she’s just so black


I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny


That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung


Wanna pull up tough
’cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring



Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney


Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me ’cause you aint that average groupy

I’ve seen them dancin’
To hell with romancin’
She’s Sweat,Wet, got it goin like a turbo vette

 

I’m tired of magazines
Saying flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back

 

So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back

I like’em round and big
And when I’m throwin a gig
I just can’t help myself
I’m actin like an animal
Now here’s my scandal

I wanna get you home
And UH, double up UH UH
I aint talkin bout playboy
’cause silicone parts were made for toys
I wannem real thick and juicy


So find that juicy double
Mixalot’s in trouble
Beggin for a piece of that bubble


So I’m lookin’ at rock videos
Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I’ll keep my women like Flo Jo

A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won’t cus or hit ya

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna —
Til the break of dawn
Baby Got it goin on

Alot of pimps won’t like this song
’cause them punks lie to hit it and quit it

But I’d rather stay and play
’cause I’m long and I’m strong
And I’m down to get the friction on

So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back

Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo ain’t got nothin to do with my selection
36-24-36
Only if she’s 5’3″

So your girlfriend throws a Honda
Playin workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda


My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don’t lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the butt ain’t gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it



So cosmo says you’re fat
Well I ain’t down with that
’cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin
And I’m thinkin bout stickin

To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You aint it miss thing
Give me a sista I can’t resist her
Red beans and rice did miss her

Some knucklehead tried to dis
’cause his girls were on my list
He had game but he chose to hit ’em
And I pulled up quick to get with ’em

So ladies if the butt is round
And you wanna triple X throw down

 

Dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back
Baby got back
Little in tha middle but she got much back